Narconon Newsletter 20-12-2007

Welcome to the Narconon Newsletter.

When a student completes the Narconon programme he or she usually gives a speech to the staff and students. Family and friends are also often present.

Here is what one student who recently completed the programme said:-

"I always knew I would do this. I didn't know how hard it would be and I certainly didn't expect it to take this long, but the alternative was either falling into the arms of my only lover, heroin, or continuing the slow descent into losing everything, my family, my friends, my home and eventually my life.

I was living in Bournemouth, where I had settled after spending 6 months in a rehab there in 2003/2004. I did what was expected of me, group therapy, individual counselling, lots of crying, but I didn't really change. I didn't think I really needed to. I had stopped using drugs, I was clean, job done. I made some good friends and got somewhere to live. 3 months later I began dabbling, occasionally, but hey I was cool, I could control it now. Except about 9 months later I found I had used for 3 days in a row and I felt a bit ill, and I wanted more. I told myself I would stop after 1 more bag. It was too late then to realise that the battle wasn't lost that day, but the first day I used again.

As soon as I had the habit, the road downhill was much steeper than before. It seemed like no time at all before I was sitting on my bed, my hands and feet dripping in blood, shaking and crying in frustration, because I couldn't get a vein.

This time last year, I tried to stop using, on my own, at home. When that failed I got myself onto a NHS detox using Methadone and other drugs, to get me clean. My parents came to see me the day after I got out of there. I had felt so bad when I got home I used Subutex, a heroin substitute to make me feel normal again. In their eyes I saw fear and hope and the fear was big and the hope was desperate. They had been given their daughter back once, only to see her return to the dead eyed zombie she had become before. They went home worried and scared. Within days I was back on the needle. I felt utterly hopeless. Just before I began the detox, I had been caught up in a bust, at my dealers. Crazily I had admitted to owning the 6 bags of smack that were lying around, just to get home quickly because I was rattling. I had been bailed to be charged on the 12th May. My determination to walk into the police station clean, got me through the detox, but my resolve crumbled against my physical weakness and the cravings. Within 10 days my habit was as bad as ever.

The night before I had been due to report to the police station, my mum phoned and asked me if I was using. I told her and she was gutted, but not surprised. The next morning I phoned my solicitor and was told it had been postponed until June.

After a brief feeling of relief, a feeling of utter despair descended on me. I couldn't pay my bills this month. I was in trouble with the police. My friends were giving up on me. I had broken my parent's hearts again and all I wanted to do was inject dirty brown poison into my body.

I had never felt so totally lost with tears pouring down my face I fell to my knees and with my whole heart I asked God, or the Universe, or anyone or anything out there to help me because I just couldn't do it on my own.

Then I phoned my mum, to tell her the police stuff had been postponed - at least she could stop worrying about that. She listened and then she said, "I've found a place". I said "what?" and she said "Last night I phoned Uncle Jack and he said "I will give you this much money, just find somewhere" so I looked on the internet and I found this place and it's exactly that much money. Do you want to go?". The place was Narconon and I came 3 days later, on the 15th May. I was determined, that however hard it was, however crazy it seemed, what ever happened, I was going to do this programme. Because the moment I asked for help, the universe sent me this, so immediately, that I could not doubt it was meant to be.

And oh what fun we had. Withdrawals, surely the hardest thing, to come off of drugs with nothing but Vitamins and the delightful Cal-Mag. With no Coffee, or chocolate biscuits. No telly, no music, no books, Caroline's nerve-assists, swearing I felt MUCH BETTER! Before, I was too bruised to get off the couch. All those bloody stairs. The walk to the park and the desperate struggle to get back up the hall when it felt like the earths gravity had been turned up to the Jupiter setting. Oh happy Days.

Then the course room. Finding out I had to sit in a chair without moving for 2 hours, TWICE before I could get to the Sauna! Surely that was the hardest thing, I completed book 1 in ten days and off I went to sweat. The sauna. What can I say. It was hot. It worked. Surely the hardest thing would be being in there 4 and a half hours a day.

I will be eternally grateful to Matt Owen for making the sauna more of a laugh than it was hard, boring and emotional. He never refused to play and made me laugh so much with his random answers of mass craziness.

The summer also helped. 34 days in the sauna and the sun shone every day and I got a great suntan in the afternoons. Then it was back to the course room, and the Gods gave me Ricky for my twin. Back to T.R's.

So finally we make it into the practical room. Objectives. Delivering or receiving a command, all day long. Surely this must be the hardest part of the programme. Unfortunately for both of us, Ricky got "distracted" during the objectives. We ploughed on up to 9 and I tried my hardest, but Ricky bailed out and I was helped through them by Christian and Lewis. Thank you for objective 11, I got more out of that than the rest, and it was worth all the cigarettes.

But before the end of the objectives came Katie. Sent by the gods to make sure I did this programme properly. Because I wasn't. I was breaking the rules and she shot me down in flames. And that took true courage, and she has my admiration and respect for what she did. The general opinion of the students was that me and Andy weren't doing anyone any harm and she was a bitch. But we didn't just get house work. We had to do our overts too and reading book 6 made me realise how I had affected Katie and her programme. I went from feeling betrayed to feeling ashamed at how I had influenced her behaviour in the house, and humbled, that despite knowing that she may be treated badly, she did the right thing, for my sake.

It's one being told that the tech of this programme doesn't work properly if you have overts and withholds, it's quite another to experience it first hand. I had another major withhold - I had used heroin here and lied to Chris about it and felt like shit that I had done that and been believed by people. Now I had the chance to own up, and it was the turning point in my programme. I felt so free, I wasn't hiding anything anymore. I think this was when I stopped being in a hurry to get out of here. I felt the change in me and I knew something was working.

So I helped out here and there in the course room and I took my time doing the books after the objectives. When I did book 6 properly and all my overts, I thought that was the hardest part of the programme. Until I did book 7. This gave me the chance to address things in my past and do something about it. It was hard, but it was the most healing thing I have ever done for myself.

So it turned out that most of this programme was the hardest bit, and yes, I have cried a bit. I have also laughed more in my time here, than I have since I was a kid. So here I am at last. I don't know yet if I am riding off into the sunset, or if, like Arnie, "I'll be back" (To work obviously). Either way guys "come with me if you want to live". Because drugs kill you. I used to think I didn't have a drugs problem. I had a not being able to get enough drugs problem. If I won the lottery, or had a heroin mountain, I wouldn't have a problem. I really thought that slowly destroying my body and my mind not having the feelings to care about myself, or my family, or anyone else, would be OK if I could afford it.

Compared to that idea the programme seems positively sane.

This programme works well if you let it. Do it honestly and get to the end before you judge it. If you put even half the effort into this as you put into using drugs, you will make it.

I want to thank my mum and dad who couldn't be here tonight, for never giving up on me, even when I did and my Uncle Jack for paying for me to come here. Thanks to Ali, who came and got me and who's vision and hard work helped bring Narconon to England, and who has encouraged me this whole way through. And Chris, who was a great ethics officer and has created a very nice office in which to sit around looking cool and doing whatever it is he does now. I have confidence that he will take his responsibility as Uncle to Gerry Pigeon very seriously. To Dale and Nikki, students when I arrived, you are a credit to this programme and an asset to the house, thank you for your support and your clothes! To Said thanks for all the interesting conversations and "debuts" and thrashings at badminton. Try not to get tangoed to often! To C.C.T.V or "Graham" as he is sometimes known, you do a difficult job well, and I know that deep, deep, DEEP down you care a lot about the people here and you work very hard for us all. Thank you. To Sarah for all your hard work in the background, and lately in the foreground of the kitchen, thank you! Thanks to Danielle who works so hard in the Sauna and always has time for encouraging words. Thanks to Lisa, greatly missed, who helped me so much with the police and the court stuff, and to Steve, who drove me to the court case and put up with 3 hours of my non-stop terrified babbling the whole way. Thanks to Stella who always cares enough to get to know people and ask how they are doing. Dominique, thank you so much. You give 110% of yourself to this place and you have been there every step of the way for me. You do your job with dedication, justness and a passion it took me a while to appreciate. It is an inspiration to see someone do a job they love and do it so well. Now if you could just bring back the brooms you have been riding home on, we need them. Hey up Jimmy. Master of ceremonies. Expert in pigeons. You manage to direct the organised chaos which is 2 Albany Road, with true grit determination and real love for the place and the people in it. Jimmy, you care so much. It shines through every graduation. You are so proud. Thank you so much for all the hard work you do.

To all the students past and present, I thank you all with all my heart. It has been the support I have had from the people I have shared this house with, that has helped me the most. I could be here all night thanking everybody but I have to say - well done George, my little brother, for finishing objectives, keep going, you are doing great, to social Sam - hey, you're a new man! Derek, our glorious leader and my honorary Dad, you are a great influence in the house, I am so glad you are staying. And a special thanks to Andy who apart from putting a sparkle in my eyes ( for which I paid, 10 days polishing random wood) always seemed to know when I was down and came and found me and did his best to cheer me up. And of course, to Matt. Angel of the course room, father of my pigeon. Endlessly patient, truly dedicated. Working on the front line to give us the tools we need to go out into the world and build a new life. Matt, you are simply one of the best people I know. Thank you so much for putting up with my endless questions and mardiness, we who are about to live salute you!

People have been joking. Saying I have been here long enough to have had a baby. Well in a way I have, me. Reborn into a world of hope and choices and freedom.

Thank you Narconon. Thank you all.

Helen is leaving the building."

Call 0800 169 4803 now to speak to one of our counsellors.

Best Regards,

Narconon London - Hastings Branch